From The 'Ville w/ Martin & Steele - Recently Updated Pages

Steele

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:18:59 CDT

Mystique, mystery and gay men surround the cloudy history of one Steele, who plays the character of Steele in TANC TV's fagship show "From the Ville w/ Martin & Steele." Not much is known of this reclusive Michigan native, and what is considered fact by some is friction to others. Much like the character Man-E-Faces from the hit children's television show Masters of the Universe, Steele's history is, even when clarified, a wealth of intrigue and cuntjecture.

Well, let's start by saying that Steele is something else. By the term "something else," many have speculated that Steele runs the gamut, cross-dressess the entire rectrum of human depravity, from chronic masturbator to Cum-Kleen impresario. In fact, some have even claimed that Mr. Steele may very well be, much to the surprise and chagrin of everyone who cranked it to female gymnastics events at the 1984 Summer Olympic Games, the worn-out shell of Wheaties cover girl Mary Lou Retton. Those people would be fools, communists, assholes, or Bella Karolyi.

My theory is, he lives a double-ended dildo life. You have FTV Steele...and then you have Outside-FTV Steele. I have never seen or heard Steele outside of the realm of FTV, so therefore I can only describe him as FTV Steele. In withspers carried on the winther windths, it is thaid that Outside-FTV Steele is only a construct of FTV Steele, a coping mechanism created by FTV Steele that allows Steele to live without the wet attention of the trailer-park whores he so desperately needs, yet finds only after a bottle of Old Crow, an ether-soaked rag and a fat fucking prayer.

As for FTV Steele, the jury's still out on what specifically makes this character lick. Still, as a service to the communist party and humanity at large, let me break it down...

Physical Appearance- your typical medium-framed biker dude, not someone with whom you would just start making idle chit-chat. He's not so much unapproachable as he is simply aloof, but those bugged-out eyes aren't doing his cause any favors.

Personality- once one gets past the bad-ass front, it's plainly realized that Steele is just a tough-looking retard, like a mixture of former WWE Superstar Koko B. Ware and current TNA superstar James E. Cornette, with a dash of Sgt. Slaughter thrown in to even out the recipe. The man's just full of nonsense, although many claim that he's not the brightest crayon in the box. I believe he is smarter than those who think otherwise, a drunkenly clever confident man unfurling an elaborate ruse upon an unsuspecting pubic hair.

He is a very funny person; perhaps not in a comedian-type of way, but more like a class clown...or is that ass-clown? And even though Martin would never admit to it, Steele makes the other half of the show...and that half is heavier due to the virulently potent semen coursing through his still-unplucked tubules. Perhaps a future adventure with the urologist will balance the scales, but for the moment we have Steele's momentum directing, much like Charles Nelson Reilly, in the sense that both men have soul, yet are hung like 12-year old Caucasian boys. Ask Gordie, or Gene Rayburn. And by the way, what's with the giant microphone Gene Rayburn used on Match Game? You could check your colon with that thing, which of course, leads us right back to Gordie. (Life is a vicious circle my friends)

I love the Show, I started listening back in Episode 6 or 7. Since then, I have gone back and masturbated to all the older shows at least twice. This obesity, with both the show and its hosts, makes me wonder about my own masculinity; I feel very gay about the whole thing. And Steele, pure Steele is what stirs such emotions. To paraphrase hip-hop legend Method Man, "Steele came to bring the gay, hardcore to the brain."

Bring it, Steele: bring the gay.

Random Facts

Steele is the only surviving member of Led Zeppelin's road crew. All the rest died in mysterious circumstances.
Saying Steele's name three times to a mirror in a darkened room will forever curse you with Erectile Disfunction.
Steele has a lucrative and nationwide chain of fishbowl cleaners. He was inspired by his failed attempt at door-to-door door sales.
The Crying Game was based on the true story of Steele's lost virginity.
Steele's ass is the only ass to be given its own place in the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Steele is not actually his real name. It was a codename given to him during his tour of service during Operation Desert Storm. His real name is Percivale E. Howardstein III, Esq.
He is the illegitimate lovechild of Kirk Cameron and Cyndi Lauper. Neither of them claim responsibility for him.
When God said "Let there be light", Steele was the one who hit the lightswitch.

The Fans

Anonymous — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 03:41:24 CDT